You know how the zombies in Dawn of the Dead are drawn to the mall because they’re mindless consumers? That was me today. I went to the mall with a lack of purpose, wandered about, made eye contact with strangers, and then left on my merry way. I didn’t go home though, I went to Winners (for my American friends – that’s like a T.J. Maxx ) in search of discounted nail polish.
The song “Summertime”–you know, the ’30′s jazz standard–was playing on my ipod as I pulled into the parking lot. I love this song, in part, because it makes me think of my dad. When I was a little kid, he would sing it all the time–it was like one of 5 songs he would sing like a jukebox. Anyway, he would always alter one verse. The lyrics are: “Your daddy’s rich, and your momma’s good lookin’”; my father would always sing “Your momma’s rich, and your daddy’s good lookin’”. So once I got to thinking about him, another memory sprung to mind. A brief interjection here to say that my dad is alive. It sounds like I’m writing about a dead person, but I don’t mean in to sound that way. Memories…past tense and all that…
So I got to thinking about how when I would ask a question as a child, my dad would often respond with a rhyme that I, too, would join in reciting with him. It went: “Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe rain, maybe snow, maybe up, maybe down, maybe all around”. But then one day, I had enough. I was probably 6 or something. We were in the car and I asked a question to which I got that familiar response and I said, “do you have to say that all the time?”. He never said it again.
Twice this week, women that I don’t know have seen something in me that reminded them of their daughters. I was headed into a yoga class and in the hallway I passed a woman who– I swear to you–her eyes just lit up when she saw me. I didn’t know why, but I sheepishly smiled and went to my class. Afterwards, I was in the change-room, taking out my braid. That same woman came in and, again, something flickered in her eyes and she said, “Ohh, I have two daughters with red hair… They’re both away”. Then it all made sense to me. She missed her daughters and I could see it so clearly on her face. But what do you say? I smiled and said “oh, yeah?”, and then went on my way.
Today at Winners, sorely disappointed in their nail polish selection, I decided to try on a pair of shoes. This older blonde lady was encroaching on my space and I was irritated by her presence. I figured she was after my bench, waiting to try on a pair of shoes herself. She said something to me, so I pulled out my headphones and said, “I’m sorry?”. This was the first time I had actually looked up and in to her face. That same expression that the woman had in the yoga studio was staring back at me–a sort of loneliness paired with hopefulness, maybe? She said, “what do you think?”–gestured down to a pair of heels and two wallets–”my daughter’s not here”. I suddenly saw this woman: so used to shopping with her daughter, incapable of making the decision without her. “Oh”, I said, “Well. The shoes are cute. And umm…the black wallet”. I had chosen wrong–she wanted the gold one, but needed permission. “But this gold one has so many pockets”, she said as she demoed the pockets. “Well, then get that one. More space for all your stuff…”, I offered. Still, she was looking at me with these pleading eyes. “It’s not tacky, just get the gold”, I continued. The wallet was, in fact, a bit tacky–but I could tell she wanted it. “Ok”, she said, “Yeah, that’s what I was worried about…”. I smiled and wished her good luck. As I was walking away, she called after me, “Thank you for your help”. Then, she repeated, “my daughter’s not here”.
I don’t know what it is that strangers see in me, but I’m a magnet for lonely weirdos.
Just feeling particularly empathetic and spongey today…
Call your parents.
This makes me really sad for your dad & his cute litte rhyme!
And it makes me realize what a jerk I am.. I remember once I was at some outlet sale with my mom.. Le chateau or something. We were wandering the aisles, and I could feel ppl looking at me.. Every time I looked up, there was this couple looking at me. I caught them a few times, they’d always look away.. But eventually they started staring & whispering to each other..
I was getting really annoyed.. I remember saying something to my mom about it. She responded with something mom-like.. I think she said ‘they probably just think you’re pretty’..
Anyway, I think it was the man who eventually approached me.. He apologized that he & his wife had been staring.. But turns out they were looking to buy an outfit for their granddaughter. They didnt know her size, but they thought that i was probably close..
I don’t remember exactly, but I think I might have tried on a sweater for them..
See.. I’m a jerk.
I usually have my headphones on and go about my day avoiding social interactions whenever possible…
Tmrw I’m gonna go smile at some strangers..
“Just feeling particularly empathetic and spongey today…” Was along the lines of what I was feeling/thinking as I was reading your post. You know it seems to be a common theme in your posts in that I think what people are sensing is your inner empathy that may be projecting more than you realize(which is not in itself a bad thing!).
Some, like children, are more open to sensing that type of thing, take for instance that girl at your earlier yoga class coming up to you and giving you a big hug. It makes them feel safe like they are at home with their parents.
I don’t think that it is necessarily loneliness per se as I would suggest the opposite is true, in that they see similar attributes such as your red hair and pick up on your empathy, causing them to instinctively think of family and possibly the same type of empathy they have for their daughter. This is not something to feel bad about as we all should be reminded to think of family/friends more often and to keep more in touch as everything could change at any time. If you had the opposite demeanor and were generally cold and bitter to everyone, you probably wouldn’t get this type of attention.
It could also explain why some seem to get the “feeling” that you may be pregnant even though you are not as many when they are pregnant develop a stronger sense of empathy, which makes sense as they are about to become a parent. Not to mention a youthful glow
Also, sometimes it is the “weirdos” of society like that lady that accosted you the other day who have a stronger sense of these things but don’t actually understand it, all the while lacking the self-control to keep what they are thinking/feeling to themselves.
It’s also conveyed in the words you choose to write your blog posts, it’s not explicitly obvious but its there.
I’ll end my comment with a word of warning to just be careful as there are some people out there very skilled at taking advantage of empathetic people like you and I. I’m not suggesting that you become cold and bitter, just to be careful and not let your empathy override other mental warning signs like danger, bad idea, etc.
PS: Have you tried looking for empathetic types of roles? I think it is something you could be great at.
PPS: Sorry for such a long rambling comment
This actually reminds me of an incident many years ago. I was trying on winter socks and the local JC Penney when I noticed this woman staring at me from down the aisle. I was kind of creeped out and ignored her but she kept staring and eventually came over. She informed me that I was a dead ringer for her high school sweetheart who passed away in a jai lai accident several years back. Anyway, while she may have seemed harmless enough, I had a feeling she was actually a whack job. I’m usually a pretty good initial judge of character and my instincts told me she was a bit of a fruitcake. And, as it turned out, I was right. Three hours later, after I got out of bed with her, she goes: “Hey, Mark, don’t go.” And I said: “My name isn’t Mark. I’m not your dead ex-boyfriend!” And she was all like: “Then why did you dress up in his old clothes and fake a British accent?” And then I got angry and said: “Here, take your wig back!” and left.
I meet the weirdest people.